Ingredients
Method
Prep & Soak (The Night Before or Morning Of)
- In a large bowl, combine the kidney beans, 6 tbsp of salt, and 4 quarts of water. Let them soak at room temperature for at least 8 hours (or up to a day). When ready to cook, drain and rinse the beans thoroughly.

Build Your Flavor Base
- Toast the dried chiles in a large Dutch oven over medium-high heat for 2-5 minutes until fragrant and slightly darker (don't let them smoke). Remove and set aside. Alternatively, microwave them on a plate for about 30 seconds until pliable.

- In the same pot over medium heat, toast the cumin, coriander, cloves, and star anise until fragrant. Let them cool slightly, then grind them into a powder using a spice grinder.
- Pat the short ribs dry and season generously with salt and pepper. Heat the vegetable oil in the Dutch oven over high heat. Brown the ribs in batches (don't crowd the pan!) until well-seared on all sides, about 8-12 minutes per batch. Transfer them to a plate. Pour the rendered fat from the pot into a small bowl and save it.
Make the Magic Chile Paste
- With the pot off the heat, add 1 cup of the chicken broth and scrape up all the browned bits from the bottom. Bring to a bare simmer, then add the toasted chiles. Cook until the chiles are soft and the liquid is reduced by half (5-8 mins).
- Transfer the chiles and liquid to a blender. Add the ground spices, chocolate, tomato paste, coffee, anchovies, soy sauce, and Marmite. Blend on high until you have a completely smooth paste. Set this aside.

Chop & Assemble
- Once the short ribs are cool enough to handle, cut the meat off the bones and chop it into ½-inch chunks. Keep the bones.

- Heat 4 tablespoons of the reserved beef fat (add vegetable oil if you're short) in the Dutch oven over medium heat. Cook the diced onion until soft (6-8 mins). Add the garlic, fresh chiles, and oregano, and cook for 1 more minute until fragrant.

- Add your reserved chile paste to the pot. Cook, stirring constantly, for 2-4 minutes until the paste thickens and starts to stick to the bottom of the pan.
- Add the remaining chicken broth, the chopped beef, the beef bones, and the bay leaves. Scrape the bottom of the pot again. Bring to a simmer, then reduce the heat to the lowest setting. Add the drained beans.

- Let it simmer, with the lid slightly ajar, for about 1 hour. Then, add the crushed tomatoes and cider vinegar. Continue simmering, lid slightly ajar, for another 2 to 3 ½ hours, until the beef and beans are completely tender. Add a splash of water if it looks too dry.
The Final Touches
- Fish out and discard the bay leaves and bones (you can pick off any extra meat and add it back to the pot). Stir in the vodka (or bourbon), brown sugar, and hot sauce.

Serve
- Ladle it into bowls and let everyone add their own garnishes. For the best flavor, let it cool and refrigerate it overnight, then reheat the next day.

Notes
So, after all that, was it worth it? Honestly, yes. Not because it’s the “perfect” chili (whatever that is), but because the process was fun, my house smells amazing, and
I now have a giant pot of deeply satisfying food that tastes like patience and a few minor mistakes.
If yours turns out a little different, that’s perfect. It’s yours. Add more hot sauce. Forget the vodka. Burn a chile and laugh about it. That’s the real recipe.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a bowl, some Fritos, and absolutely zero plans to move for the rest of the night. Enjoy.
