Gather all your ingredients. Yes, all of them. Pretend you’re on a cooking show and line them up.
In a 6-quart slow cooker, stir together honey, soy sauce, garlic, dark soy sauce, oyster sauce, Sriracha, Shaoxing wine, ginger, sesame oil, and salt.
Place the chicken thighs in a single layer into the sauce mixture. Cover.
Cook until chicken is tender: 3 hours on HIGH or 5 hours on LOW. Go do literally anything else.
In a small bowl, stir together water and cornstarch until smooth.
Transfer chicken to a cutting board and shred with a fork.
Turn the slow cooker back to HIGH and stir in the cornstarch mixture. It’ll thicken in about 30 seconds.
Turn off the slow cooker. Return shredded chicken, cooked noodles, and sliced scallions. Toss everything together until noodles are coated.
Divide into 6 bowls. Garnish with more scallions and a sprinkle of sesame seeds. Serve immediately.